Truly Tasteless Veggie tales

hahahaha we’re all sitting here laughing out loud.

-- - Debbie, SW Ontario Canada (USDA Hardiness Zone: 5a)

Cute, very cute!!!!! :-)

-- "A perfect garden is just a garden to be in-perfection. Mornings to work on it and evenings to pause and look at it." Southeast Michigan, Zone 5a/5b

Oooooooooooooh,BAD !!!

-- the day you quit learning is the day you quit living.

What is small, red and whispers? A hoarse radish.

-- I want to believe in a lot of things but, in the meantime I have to deal with the truth

very good!!!!
that last one is even worse than the first

-- Derbyshire------- English Countryside

ha.

-- Xploreorganics, 5b Canada, LFD 06-20

Two men were talking one day. “My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market garden,” said the first man.

“So were you able to find some?” the second man asked.

“Well when I got to the market, I asked the gardener, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?’”

“The gardener said: ‘No, you’ll have to do that yourself.’”

-- I want to believe in a lot of things but, in the meantime I have to deal with the truth

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

A CARROT!!

-- I want to believe in a lot of things but, in the meantime I have to deal with the truth

moan!!! lol

-- - Debbie, SW Ontario Canada (USDA Hardiness Zone: 5a)

ha ha ha ha thanks for my morning chuckle.

-- Bon,Hastings,Ont.....zone 5a....Always room for one more

Hahaha!
Great way to start the day!

-- Eklectic, Follow my Bliss, South East Ontario 5a

What’s green and sings?

Elvis Parsley

-- I want to believe in a lot of things but, in the meantime I have to deal with the truth

An aging man lived alone in Northern California. His only son was in San Quentin Prison, and he didn’t know anyone who would turn over the dirt for his vegetable garden.

The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, “For HEAVENS SAKE, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!”

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden area, but didn’t find any guns.

Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son’s reply was: “Just plant your vegetables.”

-- I want to believe in a lot of things but, in the meantime I have to deal with the truth

you gotta know how to use your resources!

-- - Debbie, SW Ontario Canada (USDA Hardiness Zone: 5a)

“I think,” said the sweet potato, “therefore, I yam”

Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing!

Q: What vegetable might you find in your basement?
A: Cellar-y.

Q: What vegetable do you need a plumber for?
A: A Leek.

Q: Why do potatoes make good detectives?
A: Because they keep their eyes peeled.

Q. What vegetable can you throw away the outside, cook the inside, eat the outside, and throw away the inside?
A. Corn.

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.

Q: How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch!

Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!

Q: If a carrot, a tomato & a cabbage ran a race, who would win and who would lose?
A: The cabbage wins, because it is a head, the tomato loses as it is trying to ketchup!

Q:How do you turn soup into gold?
A: Put 14 carrots in it!

Q: Why you should not tell secrets in the garden:
A: The corn has ears & the potatoes have eyes!

Q: When is a cucumber like a strawberry?
A: When one is in a pickle and the other is in a jam.

Q: What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A: Quit stalking me.

A guy has celery sticking out of one ear, lettuce out of the other, and a zucchini up his nose.

He goes to the doctor and asks him what’s wrong.

The doctor tells him, “Well, for one thing, you’re not eating right.”

-- Xploreorganics, 5b Canada, LFD 06-20

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter

‘What are you doing?” She asked..

“Hunting Flies” he responded.

‘Oh. ! Killing any?’ she asked.
Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,’ he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, how can you tell them apart?’

He responded, 3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

-- I want to believe in a lot of things but, in the meantime I have to deal with the truth

ROFLMAO.

-- Bon,Hastings,Ont.....zone 5a....Always room for one more

LOL!!!!! LOL!!!! LOL!!!!!!!

-- "A perfect garden is just a garden to be in-perfection. Mornings to work on it and evenings to pause and look at it." Southeast Michigan, Zone 5a/5b

((drum roll… cymbals)

-- - Debbie, SW Ontario Canada (USDA Hardiness Zone: 5a)

Drafting Guys over 60

——this is so funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier——
New Direction for any war :
Send Service Vets over 60!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, ‘I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical creatin.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in combat and didn’t see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million P’oed old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

If nothing else, put us on border patrol….we will have it secured the first night!

-- I want to believe in a lot of things but, in the meantime I have to deal with the truth

LOVE this!!!!!! LOL!!!!

-- "A perfect garden is just a garden to be in-perfection. Mornings to work on it and evenings to pause and look at it." Southeast Michigan, Zone 5a/5b

Good one Bob. ha ha ha

-- Bon,Hastings,Ont.....zone 5a....Always room for one more